For seasoned meditators and for those new to meditation, it’s important to remember this: Meditation is simple…but it’s not easy. The simple part is in the instructions.
- We find a comfortable position.
- We give the mind something to focus on – such as the breath.
- And each time the mind wanders, we bring our attention back to the focus.
The not easy part is in EVERYTHING ELSE!
To help address the latter, my teacher and mentor Sarah McLean, in her book Soul Centered: Transform Your Life in 8 Weeks with Meditation, offers us the Five Essentials of Meditation to help us have a successful meditation practice and move through life with a bit more ease. And who doesn’t want that?!
Sarah: It’s Okay to Have Thoughts
Me: “What?! You’re kidding, right?! I thought I was supposed to be clearing my mind.”
We often hear that meditation is about clearing the mind. That’s not possible. It’s the nature of the mind to think, just as it’s the nature of the eyes to see. Meditation will help to quiet the mind, but it’s not because we stop thinking during our practice. Thoughts will always be a part of meditation. Over time, the mind will settle and thoughts will fade into the background. Whenever a thought arises during meditation, simply notice that the mind has wandered and return to the focus of the meditation. It doesn’t matter how many times the mind wanders. It could be 100 times! It’s the “coming back” that is important. It really is OK to have thoughts!
Sarah: Don’t Try Too Hard
Me: “Said no one EVER!”
Trying really hard and being good at something is deeply ingrained in many of us. Consequently, most of us want to be good at meditating and we want to “do it right”. As with any natural process, too much effort can ruin the outcome. Have you had the experience of trying very hard to make yourself fall asleep or to make yourself come up with a creative idea? It rarely works. The same is true with meditation. You don’t get “good” at meditating by trying hard. Instead, the idea is to use a gentle, easy focus during meditation and when the mind wanders, gently refocus again, and again. The only real effort required in meditation is the effort it takes to set aside the time and space to practice on a regular basis!
Sarah: Let Go of Expectations
Me: “But what’s wrong with expecting to have things the way I want them to be?!”
It’s not unusual to have preconceived ideas of what meditation is “supposed” to be like – ideas about how you should be feeling or what you should be experiencing. The reality can be quite shocking. Instead of feeling relaxed or peaceful, you may feel bored, restless, or even irritated. Or maybe you want this meditation to be just like the last one – and then find yourself striving to make it so and end up disappointed. The idea here, is to let go of any expectations and sit down to meditate as if for the very first time – to approach each meditation with a beginner’s mind. Each time the mind wanders to judging or comparing the experience or wanting the experience to be different, just notice this is happening and then return to the meditation – to the breathing in and the breathing out.
Sarah: Be Kind to Yourself
Me: “Oh. Well, OK. You’ve got me there. That’s a tough one.”
Self-compassion is one of the most important things you can bring to each meditation. Most of us have learned to be tough on ourselves to achieve our goals and even tougher on ourselves when we miss the mark. But here’s the thing – being hard on ourselves doesn’t help change behavior. So, when things are not the way you would like them to be during meditation – for example, the mind is wandering like crazy, and instead of feeling calm and peaceful like you wanted, you just feel bored and restless, or maybe you missed a few days meditating and “broke your streak” – instead of criticizing or scolding yourself, appreciate your commitment. How we treat ourselves in meditation is often how we treat ourselves in life.
Sarah: Stick with It
Me: “But what if I don’t like it? What if it’s boring? What if I have other things to do?”
The only way to reap all those benefits of meditation you keep reading about is to do it on a regular basis. This means sticking with it – during the meditation and over the long haul. When you have the urge to stop meditating because it feels uncomfortable or when you want to quit and do it later when you are more relaxed – don’t stop. Stick with it. When you are bored – stick with it. When you remember you need to call your sister – call her when you finish. When you are too busy to meditate – do it anyway. You get the idea. If you are meditating, unless the fire alarm goes off, you stay. You sit. You stick with it. And then you come back the next day and do it again.
Meditation can be a wonderful training ground for helping us develop new thought and behavior patterns and move through life with a bit more ease. What we cultivate “on the cushion”, we take with us – it becomes ingrained in who we are and how we meet the moments. Even if you don’t think anything is happening during meditation, science shows dramatic changes in the minds and bodies of consistent meditators.
There are many ways to meditate – breath awareness, open awareness, loving-kindness, self-compassion, sound, walking, counting and gratitude meditations, to name a few. So, jump in, explore, and find the practices that keep you coming back for more. The key to sustaining a regular meditation practice is to find what works for you. Hopefully, these Five Essentials will help you do just that!