In my career in law enforcement, I never met an officer who wanted to talk about emotions. Ever. And that included me. That’s certainly not to say there aren’t officers who will talk about their emotions; but in my experience they were few and far between. Some of you may feel the same way. My mission here is to start talking about emotions with the hope of normalizing them. So, hang in there with me as I cover some salient points about the dreaded E-word – emotions! Disclaimer: I am not a neuroscientist, so consider this to be the layman’s version of things.
Point #1: You will have them.
As a retired law enforcement officer who practices and teaches mindfulness meditation, I occasionally have someone ask me, “Isn’t it better to just toughen up and forge ahead?” It is not. It is natural and normal for emotions to surface. Though emotions can feel uncomfortable, they are not bad, and you are not wrong for having them. Or, to get more specific, for feeling them. Since you know you will have emotions, it can be helpful to learn how to see them before they own you.
Point #2: Emotions are neurochemical signals.
Strip away anything touchy-feely about emotions for a moment and view them from a different perspective—an evolutionary one. The body’s limbic system, or primitive brain, sends the body signals designed to be protective in nature. These signals offer us palpable feelings to notice, to feel, such as a clenched jaw, a flushed face, a tight chest, shallow breathing, a pounding heartbeat, or stinging eyes. Practicing mindfulness techniques can help you develop the awareness to notice where these signals are showing up in your body so you can recognize them for what they are – neurochemical signals designed to protect you.
Point #3: Emotions are information.
Emotions can offer us important information if we listen to our bodies. These signals you are getting, these feelings, are providing you with clues to what is really going on. Pay attention. Learn what they look like for you—that’s anger, that’s joy, that’s fear, that’s sadness. This newfound information, this awareness, offers you a bit of space so you are not constantly living life with your face pressed right up against it. Mindfulness allows you to develop some emotional distance. As a law enforcement officer, we were constantly trained in the concept and importance of physical distance. Emotional distance is our friend too! Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, said this: “Between the stimulus and response there is a space, and in this space lies our power and our freedom.”
Point #4: What we resist, persists.
Often, we push down our emotions or try to control them in some way. Again, this is not bad—you are not wrong. Sometimes this is necessary so you can stay engaged with the situation or get the job done. You’ve likely heard the phrase from the movie A League of Their Own, “There’s no crying in baseball.” As a law enforcement, there was definitely no crying allowed. The problem is this—the emotions are still there. And when you repeatedly push them down, you are simply sending them to the basement to lift weights. They will come back stronger and more powerful when you least expect it and take you down. This makes the next paragraph very important.
So, what can we do about it? Train for it.
Mindfulness practices offer us a way to become skillful with these emotions, allowing us the opportunity to experience them, process them, accept them, and heal them, rather than being hijacked by them. We find a safe space in which to allow them to surface, and we meet them as they arise, without our normal harsh commentary to suck it up and get on with things. Over time, we begin to accept our emotions and work with them in the moment rather than spending our energy fighting with them. We can remind ourselves, “This is how it is right now.” For example, you can feel your mouth getting dry and your heart pounding, and because you have felt it and allowed it, you have the awareness – the wisdom – to recognize that this is just fear; fear that can now be lifesaving rather than debilitating.
One final, vitally important point is this:
Point #5: There are other humans in your life.
This is a call to finding your emotional bravery and mustering a compassionate response to the suffering of those who share your ride. If you are willing to fully experience your emotions and be open about your struggles, others may be more likely to be open about their own difficulties. You can be certain about one thing – you are not the only one who is suffering, struggling, being challenged by life. You are normal. You are not alone. Ever.
Resource: McLean Meditation Institute, Meditation Teacher Academy