It happens always more or less in the same way: someone says something or does something – it can be a word, it can be an image, or a driver on the highway, or a hurtful comment, a memory from long ago that resurfaces – and here we go, we lose our cool, and more often than not a big emotional outpour that seems totally out of proportion with what triggered it – we become argumentative, or angry and aggressive, or we sink into an overwhelming feeling of unworthiness, or a paralyzing sense of doom, or a fit of anxious behaviors and thinking, or a dark mood that comes over us and darkens everything.
We call it being “triggered”.
And once this trigger is activated an emotional behavior follows without fail.
– or does it? Do we have to always jump when we see or hear the bait, the red flag?
It seems like we do, because we almost always have. We don’t quite know why, and often time with feel like we should not. But here we are again! What’s going on? Why can’t i let it go, calm down, or move away from the hurting whirl of anger, recrimination, or self-loathing? You know this pattern don’t you.
It’s not you, it’s your amygdala – The role of the amygdala in emotional responses
Turns out that we may be simply following the directions of our brain. There is a spot in the brain (two spots, actually) that is made to detect “threats”, things in our environment that we know can be hurtful to us – physically, and more often emotionally, things that make us feel bad, that make us feel threatened. These sensors (the 2 amygdala) send a 4-fire alarms through the brain and activate this cascade of reaction we know as “flee or fight”, adrenaline, cortisol, and much more – depending on the “threat” and our history and natural disposition.
Each amygdala is a small mass shaped like an almond (hence the name) located on each side of your head, about 1 and half inch behind the top of your ears. It is a crucial component of the limbic system, which is involved in processing emotions, memories, and arousal. The amygdala is particularly important in the detection and response to threats and fear. It helps in recognizing and reacting to potential dangers in the environment.
After the “threat” is detected, the amygdala arranges everything so that an emotional response is produced. It can be anger, pleasure, sorrow, and anxiety. It does that in part by orchestration the response of our autonomic nervous system which control heart rate, blood pressure, and hormonal secretions in response to emotional stimuli. This is part of the body’s “fight or flight” response.
Some psychologists call this process “amygdala hijacking”: an immediate and overwhelming emotional response that is out of proportion to the actual stimulus because it has triggered a cascade of reactions. This concept was popularized for example in Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.”
Understanding amygdala hijacking
Here’s a breakdown of the process:
- Trigger: A perceived threat or stressor can activate the amygdala. This could be anything from a physical danger to an emotional insult.
- Hijack: When the amygdala perceives a threat, it can hijack or override the neocortex (the rational part of the brain). This results in an immediate, intense emotional reaction before the rational brain has had a chance to evaluate the situation.
- Response: The person reacts emotionally, often impulsively, which can lead to actions they might later regret or feel were inappropriate for the situation.
This all happens “before we know it”, literally. And before we are quite aware in our mind of what is happening our whole body and mind have been highjacked by this threat-response cascade – omg! something really bad is happening and i have to react to it with all my might as if it were a truly life-threatening thing. Our emotional brain has overriden the rational brain, leading to an immediate and overwhelming emotional response.
Can we train ourselves to become our own “amygdala-whisperer”?
Are we condemned to always follow the full thread of emotional upheaval when something comes in our way and “threatens” us physically or emotionally?
What we need is to become our own “amygdala whisperer”. A voice inside that can whisper : “It’s okay, you are safe, the thing is really not a big deal, no danger here, let’s take it down a notch.”
Amygdala whispering means calming the amygdala’s response to perceived threats or stressors. This means learning techniques and strategies that help to soothe and regulate the amygdala’s activity, preventing the emotional hijacking that can occur when the amygdala becomes overactive. That’s the magical tool to help us manage stress, anxiety, and other intense emotional reactions.
Can we learn to “whisper” to our amygdala, to promote calm and prevent the overwhelming emotional responses associated with amygdala hijacking?
Yes, there is a way – through mindfulness of body sensations
We could do that if we had enough time between the moment we notice that a reaction has been triggered and the moment the reaction has fully taken over our speech and actions.
We CAN learn to do that – to grow that pause between the triggering stimulus and the full-on response – as we become more proficient in the practice of meditation and mindfulness. The trick is to become more able to “sense early enough that we are being triggered”.
And that takes place as a body sensation. Any emotional response is in great part a bodily reaction – it can be felt – physically.
As we become more mindful of our bodily states, we become more able to discern early that we are being triggered. Heat in the chest, tingling in the arms and hands, electric feelings in the legs, rattling in the pit of the stomach. It takes many forms, and we each have our own physical reactions to triggers.
But we can each learn to recognize them.
Once we recognize within a few seconds that a trigger has been activated, then we have a chance to “stand down” – to allow the whispering voice to speak: “It’s okay, you are being triggered right now, but you can also chose to de-escalate and slowly return to your balanced state before the full-on outburst of emotional reaction.”
Steps to Manage Triggers
- Recognize the Physical Sensations: Notice early physical signs of being triggered.
- Pause and Recognize: Use the few seconds between the initial response and the full-blown reaction to acknowledge the trigger and fully acknowledge the beginning of the emotional response.
- De-escalate: Reassure yourself that the situation is not as urgent or important as it seems and that you can handle it by choosing to step away and let go.
This may all seem a bit complicated and arcane. But all it takes is for you to experience it for yourself once – the triggering event, the early emotional arising in the body, the few seconds between that early response felt inwardly and the full-blown response in your behavior – and then the soothing inner talk – and the walking away from the bait. Once you have experienced it once, you’ll know that you can rely on it over and over. It will work over and over.
Occasionally the trigger will be too strong and you will “fail” and have a strong emotional response. And that will be okay. There will be plenty of other times to practice the pulling away from the bait.
Nicely done! Watch this bait move away from you now. You did not take it this time. You are safe!
This was very interesting! I am going to try it.
Thanks Michael,
Maureen Kuntz